Comedy Writing, Reblogs

My Relationship/Instagram Crush according to Bollywood songs.

We’ve all had Instagram crushes right? Not the ones you ogle over for a few seconds and then scroll past, but the ones you find tagged on your best friend’s cousin’s neighbour’s mother’s profile? And then from his bio, posts, and captions, you truly get to know his personality, hobbies, career, and family, and you realise that God has finally shown you the path to your soul mate. And of course, you’re not crazy, so you don’t follow or slide into his DMs, but rather spend your days stalking him and hoping by some miracle that he notices you and hits you up. I’m talking about THAT CRUSH. Now I had one. A BIG one. He was great but you know, things didn’t quite work out. I was really busy with my business and studies and he…..well he didn’t know I existed. Other than that we had a great 2.5 weeks together.

Photo 2018-01-12, 17 31 52
You are cordially invited to the wedding of Shahnaaz and SRK.

Whether it’s a relationship or crush, I will always always create imaginary scenarios accompanied by background Bollywood music. I could get a ”Hey” on Whatsapp and already I’m on Track 11 where we’re singing ”Baar baar din yeh aaye” at Papa Roti’s for our son’s third birthday. Certain songs ignite different thoughts, so let’s walk through these together and feel free to press play whilst you read each one, in order to enhance all the feels.

7 Bollywood songs that dictated my Instagram crush/relationship:

1) Lucky Lips- Lucky: A song my girls and I would dance to, to remind ourselves that we’re the shit hot stuff that you’d be lucky to come close to. Little old me being the strong young independent woman that I am, who don’t need no man to make her feel complete. Just laughing at joint couple profiles with my single feminist friends. Unprepared and ignorant to the flaming love that’s about to enter my life and turn me from Becky to Biwi.

2) Deewana Hai Dekho- Kabhie Kushi Kabhie Gham: When you first spot #husbae on the explore page and it’s time to proceed with the Indian mating call- breaking out into song whilst dancing around trees in the central hangout of your campus. You just spotted him off to buy a 2 for R7 samoosa and chip sandwich special and you stop him midway because, how dare he??? Kaun hai??? Jisne dobaara mudke mujhe nahin dekha? I mean…who is he? GURL, YOU KNOWS I’M ABOUT TO FLASHMOB WITH MY GIRLS UNTIL THE CAMPUS STOPS ME WITH TEARGAS #southafricanstudentproblems

Poo-1

3) Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam- Dilwale Dulhani Le Jayenge: YA’LL. He noticed me and wants to get it on. Where could this happen though? Where in Durban do we have a field of dandelions? Botanical Gardens? Beachfront? Oh well, the fountain outside Gateway is romantic enough. The point is, bae likes me too and it’s time to start planning how we’re going to break it to my parents that I actually talk to boys.

4) My Dill Goes Mmm- Salaam Namaste: Woooooooh, life is good. Things are happening. Bae and I can finally be together, out in the open and free to partake in typical couple type activities, like going to the movies, walking on the beach, having ice cream and hiding under tables every time we see an Aunty in public. Other than that, what could go wrong? 

5) Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aaye- Kuch Kuch Hota Hai– Something went wrong. Aunty Shireen saw us sharing a streetwise two and apparently bae’s mother once borrowed a tupperware from her cousin and never returned it, which obviously means his family= our family’s arch-nemesis. 

TF8Lbdi

6) Aaya tere dar par- Veer Zaara: BAE CAME THROUUUGGGHHHHH. So here’s how I imagine the most dramatic point of our whole love saga. I’m at my cousin’s wedding at NMJ and I look great but also like a sad yearning lover. I go onto the stage to give my cousin’s wife her new bouquet and as I bend down to whisper a funny in her ear, I hear the doors open, I turn my head in slow motion and there he is. The entire hall is SHOOK. Aunty Zayboon is choking on her samoosa, my mother is crying, Nabeela is videoing the entire thing. I walk down, my lover awaits. We’re facing each other across the hall. He just drove all the way from Tongaat and is drenched from the rain outside- I still look bomb. I start walking, I walk faster, I start slow running, normal running, I fall coz running in heels is a bitch difficult, he finally realises he should make an effort and starts walking towards me too. Hearts pounding, aunties cursing. We reach each other and BAM load shedding. 

7) The Medley- Mujse Dosti Karoge: After that entire shabockle, the parents had to say yes. So finally, our families come together and swap childhood stories and burfee. And it turns out, our parents went to the same primary school and his someone’s someone is my someone’s someone and every one is happy. 

I’m actually quite exhausted after that. As you can see, my relationship was a roller coaster of a ride which lasted a total of 20 minutes within my imagination. Even if it doesn’t involve a guy, there’s ALWAYS a Bollywood song to suit your mood! We want to know this from you:

  1. Do you imagine the same/similar when listening to music?
  2. Challenge us: Give us a situation/song and we’ll match it to a song/situation.

Respond via the comments or on our Instagram- IG: @thebrowngirlsociety  We’d love to hear from you!Thank you so much for joining us and until next time xxx

~Shahnaaz: @shahnaaznaby 

*Post originally written for and adapted from my personal blog*

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