Comedy Writing, Motivation

How I Catfish the Internet: Tips for Instagrammable Selfies.

Catfish: to give the impression of being an attractive person in order to attract someone online while being a complete or near opposite of that portrayed- Urban Dictionary. 

I would just like to thank Snapchat, Facetune and Instagram filters for my occasional bomb ass selfies. I truly could not have developed my low self-esteem without you! For all the times you’ve hidden my double chin and evened out my skin, I will forever be indebted to you for making me feel ugly in pictures if they haven’t gone through a process of editing and filtering.

Photo 2018-01-03, 8 42 32 PM

Now, I’m not totally blaming these apps for my low self-esteem (that’s some deep rooted stuff), but it sure acted as a catalyst to its growth. It was around my 11th year of school when I was confident enough and ready to become a frequent selfie poster; back then edited pictures weren’t as advanced as they are now. A simple mirror selfie with a Sepia filter was good enough. No more people, no more.Photo 2018-01-03, 8 34 26 PM

Allow me to walk you through the exhausting and embarrassing process some millenials take (coz same, me too), in order to get a decently Instagrammable selfie:

1) Makeup: PACK THAT BABY ON. Contour away chunky cheeks and ensure your glow is blinding.

2) Good lighting: Staring directly into the sun may damage your eyesight but you get to use ‘’ #sundaze #naturallighting #iwokeuplikethis’’ in your caption.

when-the-relationships-still-new-u-need-all-the-2873757

3) Up angles only: If those double chin exercises aren’t working, this will definitely cover it up.

4) Snapchat front camera: Because the normal camera does that weird thing where it swaps your face around and you start to wonder how painful it must be for people to look at you and question if symmetry is even real.  when-you-accidentally-open-your-front-camera

5) Snapchat filter: Flower crown if you’re feeling Beyonce, duh. The dog filter if you want perfect skin, you know you look bomb but you also don’t want to seem like you’re trying too hard. All the other ones if you’re just feeling cute and quirky.

6) Facetune apps (optional, recommended): Soften skin, contour face, blemish remove your lady stash. Remember not to overkill this- we see that eyelash growing from your eyeball and the tree bending towards you in the background.

7) Instagram filter (optional): Tbh, at this point you really want to look natural so I say skip this step out.

Now that you’ve walked through the process, let me tell you why I do it, why I shouldn’t do it, and why it’s okay if I do do it.

I’m one of those people who look in the mirror and have inconsistent feelings about what I see. I avoid conversations that involve skin or weight or hair or nails because I’m so afraid someone will question me or comment on the way I look. It’s something that I wish wasn’t there and it may sound self-absorbed (because who really cares) but it’s just always there.

I found that I preferred how I looked with all these filters. They made me feel better about myself and I started to use them so often that I couldn’t even recognize myself without them- and this is why I shouldn’t do it. I should be able to accept myself. I should be able to believe that people aren’t thinking all sorts when they speak to me and that I’m allowed to feel comfortable with others.Photo 2018-01-03, 8 42 56 PM

Whilst I’ve recently been practicing and I intend on filling my Instagram feed with more natural & unfiltered pictures as a way to accept myself… I have no intention of giving up my filtered ways. If I want to have an unnatural looking Snapchat filter or blemish out acne scars, that’s really no one’s business. You should feel free to express yourself whichever way you’d like without the fear of being judged. After all…we all have a little bit of basic in us, and she always finds a way to show herself. The point of this article is to promote the use of filters as something fun rather than depending on it to hide our true beautiful self. Share that beauty with us so that we can embrace it together. I hope I haven’t offended anyone and that I have connected with at least one of you!

Share your selfies with us with #thebrowngirlsociety on IG: @thebrowngirlsociety  and remember to hit that Follow button at the end of this post to keep up with us and leave a comment to say hi! Until next time…much love xxx

-Shahnaaz

2 thoughts on “How I Catfish the Internet: Tips for Instagrammable Selfies.”

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