Comedy Writing, Media & Film

How To Make A Great Hindi Movie

Bollywood likes to try new stories every once in a while, but I do believe that there’s a classic recipe amongst brown people for a box office win. While I can’t give you all the ingredients, the essentials are no secret:

Ultimately it has to be about family relations.

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Haha ok you pulling my hair there Amitabh 

Someone has to get married.
Someone also doesn’t actually want to get married.

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What is this love-shove nonsense?!

A father gets angry.

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Could be anyone’s father. Probably a girl’s father tho.

Only the boy falls deeply in love and shows it, ‘good’ girls can either be shy or in shock.

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Hehe I hope the wind blew away my silent fart

One of them comes from a very rich home.

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But if you MARRIED RICH, you made it in life.


The other one is poor, an outcast, and possibly an orphan.
Eventually they want to marry but can’t.

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Pls coconut oil keep this hair in its place

There has to be a big dance/happiness song. Probably during a wedding or occasion.

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*Tourist depiction of India*

There’s also an item song with a famous actress that has nothing to do with anything.

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But it has everything to do with everything, coz sex sells, or so I hear.

There has to be a song about pain.

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SO COLD I CAN’T FEEL MY FINGERS SOB

At some point, they dance in the rain.

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lol rain you are making me shy

And for Bollywood perfection: Shahrukh Khan is in it.

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Jai Ho.

BONUS POINTS!

Scenes in the village/Chandini Chowk.

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That stolen sugarcane kinda joy.

Couple runs away to get married or make dhundhas. 

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Here’s a fire hazard on this bed in case I wasn’t hot enough.

Someone is from Europe. Probably Salman Khan or Katrina.

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*Says something in a bad accent*

Farida Jalal is someone’s mother.

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Farida for president. 

Someone gets a makeover.

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Why did this never happen in real life?!

They drive very fast cars and are unnecessarily egotistical.

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Same oil for the car AND my muscles.

Song in the mountains/some exotic location. 

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Let me hide behind this hill, in this place where we are the only two people.

Amitabh is someone’s father.

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*drums beating*

The end makes you cry the most.

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 Happy or sad… your heart will break, either way.

And in the end, it always leaves you with the heaviest feels, and an endless longing for the Bollywood life you never had…

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