It’s hard out there for a brown girl.
We’re raised watching the films of these beautiful Bollywood heroines, so effortlessly glam, and we dream of the day we’ll be able to look like them, sing and dance like them too!
But a lot happens between childhood dreams and adult realities.
You hit a few bumps in the road.
Take, for example, how:
White kids discovered Santa wasn’t real.
Brown kids, discovered that the actors don’t really sing their own songs.
Honestly, it’s the same heartbreak, if not worse. But at least, that cuts being a singer off our endless list for being a Bollywood heroine, someday.
It turns out, the looks, at least, are easily achievable.
A bit of make-up here, a little hair stylist there, wrap a sari around the bod, and presto!
So when it’s time for your cousin’s wedding, a strange sensation comes over you.
It’s a little voice in your head, that says, “Yes… The shaadi songs are now actually relevant…” And your inner Bollywood babe throws her sari over her shoulder, hair blowing in the wind, and winks in slow motion at the imaginary audience.
As the mehndi night approaches, life will go by as usual.
Maybe more aunties will come over to make pickle – maybe you’ll have to go fetch biscuits after campus from a bakery two suburbs away – but inside, your inner Bollywood babe will be doing Poo’s It’s Raining Men scene from KKKG the whole time.
Except… this one little problem pops up… and it has the power to turn the all our excitement into a fat bunch of anxiety. Despite a childhood spent dancing with cousins to songs DVD’s – we can’t dance; we don’t actually know how!
As brilliant as Bollywood choreographers are, I do find them very inconsiderate.
THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
If you are a brown adult who is still yet unmarried – you are are still the children.
We are those children who do not have Hrithik Roshan legs – we have two left feet and can’t seem to physically do more than pet the dog and screw in the light-bulb when our heart is actually all about that Nimbooda-Nimbooda life.
What are we supposed to do?!
If you’re a gazillionare, you can hire a choreographer. Congratulations, go have fun being fancy. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a dedicated cousin or friend to teach you some moves. But for the rest of us, who have all this energy and excitement and don’t even know where to start, I’ve compiled a list of classic Bollywood numbers with the simplest and most repetitive moves.
I don’t promise that it’s all easy peasy.
However, these are the songs everyone has known since forever, and catchy chorus moves that you WILL have down, in no time.
(Click on the title to open the Youtube link – you’re welcome.)
Soni, soni, acha maahi ve!
Circle, circle, punch-y palm move. Tadaa!
Just don’t watch the part where Shahrukh dies, and you’ll be okay.
The chorus looks complicated, but once you get it down, you’ll see how easy it is.
This isn’t a wedding song, but it’s a song about a girl’s beauty – so, same thing.
This song literally means:
I am a spark.”
Wow, English just makes everything so much less romantic.
Having said that, bear in mind, that the main idea of this song is to make “sparks”
with your hands, to show that… well, you’re a spark.
Do it with the song – it will make so much more sense.
Go Sparky, go!
Make some waves, tug the chain.
Quite frankly I have no idea what this song is about besides… saying Shava shava?
Also, Amitabh yelling at everybody to join in in a little scary; but my philosophy here is:
If Amitabh Bachan can do it, you can definitely do it too.
I’m not a Salman fan, but the ‘stomp, stomp, lift the veil’ moves spoke to me.
Errybady love Kuch kuch, so you’re guaranteed all-round nostalgia
if you go with this number!
I don’t know what to call this move.
It’s like… waving imaginary rotis around your body.
But hey, it’s a crowd-pleaser – and it’s about us, the desi girls!
If that’s not good enough, think of the imaginary roti!
Ah… now that is true bliss.
Aditionally, that Desi Girl beat is ‘poppin!
“But Husnaa,” you say.
“What about Mehndi Laga Ke Rakhna?
What about Yeh Ladki Hai Allah?
What about Nimbooda Nimbooda?!”
Well, what about them? I didn’t say don’t do them!
Girl, if you have the energy for those songs, you slay them.
This ones for the beginner brown girls with two left feet.
When it’s your time to shine, may your moves be on point.