Comedy Writing

You know your mum is Brown, when…

Brown mothers are a rare species of eccentric.
I say species, because they are an exclusive type of humans who can never be re-created.

It must be noted, that while we do believe brown mothers always have good intentions behind their actions, their execution may fall short in some aspects. So without further ado, I give you:

The hilarious habits of a brown mum!
– She complains when we eat the food they cooked yesterday and not today’s food

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We love her food tho – so we won’t complain

– she shares recipes and gossip on the house phone for hours

– expects her daughters to do all the household chores, but complains if you use her kitchen

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What this orange is doing on the floor?!

– she tells you that you must learn to cook but polices everything you do according to her taste. Because according to her, there’s only one way to cook a thing.

– asks you to do something and if you don’t jump, she does it anyway and then throws death stares at you

– she’s got  the memory of Einstein, but never seems to remember to fetch curry leaves before she starts cooking

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It’s all fun and games until you get a huge leaf in your mouth

-expects pin-drop silence while she sleeps, but raises a baby dragon while you sleep

– she’s an all round savage in the kitchen, cooking up the food in seconds – but the mess is your problem

– she insists that Google has silly recipes and that the Indian delight recipe book is better

– catch onto phrases that we use and try to pull it off

– has the latest phone but asks for help to Google things while you’re extremely focused on something else

– she gives you permission to leave, then tells your Dad that you left without permission

– never keeps a secret successfully. It slips out like soup in a Tupperware

– She’s in love with her Tupperware. She requires it to be returned even before you take them, and even then will only lend it to the president. Cheap plastic containers that take 10 years to find, will do for everyone else.

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So. Many. Dhall. Containers.

– fills the empty ice cream tubs with pickle or dhall

– she swops roles between playing bad cop and good cop, so you can never tell if she’s gonna have your back

– she will immediately assume you’re talking to boys if you laugh while looking at your phone screen

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– asks about that one friend she met that one time

– tells you to wear long pants but doesn’t tell men to not look at girls that way

– uses the ‘you live under this roof’ excuse to get out of everything

– wants you to not lie to them but freaks out when you tell them the truth

– insists that all you do every day is lay around (that one may be true)

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Trying to manifest Devdas from the Universe

– asks why you slept late last night every single day

– she religiously watches Glow TV. Loudly. The one that is dubbed in English.

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WHY GOD, WHY?!

– she wants you to pass her glasses and the chevra all the time

– calls you to her room to close her  curtain/window

– asks what you were doing when you went out for three hours at midday

– sometimes pretends to care to get the stories out of you

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Sure Mom, sure.

– complains about your father to you like you should solve it

– frequently shares life advice after eavesdropping on phone calls

– uses social media to stalk all your friends and cousins

– acts like the coolest Mom with your friends

– tells your friends that you never clean the house or your room

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Ma I literally just cleaned yesterday

– force feeds the guests but doesn’t feed us

– and finally.. she never says she loves you…
but through all her funny habits, you know that’s her way of showing it.

Here’s to our awesome brown mums, we love them no matter what!
Because someday, we’re probably going to be just like them, too.

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4 thoughts on “You know your mum is Brown, when…”

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